Afraid · Belonging · Determination · Learning · Life · Meaning · My Story · Sexual Assault

Esophagus Melodies

I screamed and I screamed to the fact that he was stealing her and not me
I screamed because I felt like that was the only way for him to see
I never thought that I could be more awake to only be dead really
I opened my eyes and I found myself screaming for her to be set free
No one had ever asked me why I didn’t speak I was a mute
No more will I hide this because I am the one that died ten years ago
The one that wanted to only be smiling ten years ago
The one who clearly couldn’t understand why ten years ago
Someone took away my innocence and hers they didn’t care that we hurt
They didn’t care that we would be walking signs that said ‘I’m hurt’
How dare he just come and think that we’re trash that needed to be picked up
Leave us on the ground to be recycled by your lower front
The touch of your rough skin made me stare at you unknowingly
Looking in your eyes going why is he noticing me
Come to find out I was dragged and made a puppet
I honestly couldn’t move I swear I tried and all that came out were screams
Screams that he would tell me to shut up or you’ll have to face me
He doesn’t know that he scared me because all I could do was yell mommy
She was the one that would protect me but she was gone and I was a deadbeat
A literal beat that was just lying across my skin dead completely
Ten years later and I still can’t find the old me
The happy little girl that talked a lot and was carefree
I speak a lot now to hide my emotions to match my stoic façade
No one needs to know that I was made to be broken
Such a sad estate I have learned to live unspoken
Making noise to hide my overwhelming sea of emotion
To mask the pain that I felt sitting there pleading
Pleading for my sanity, hers, and even his family
To know he has a number and a name that I can never say
He can only be referred as John Doe so that I can remain sane
I’ll remember the look on his face when he said you have to watch
His smile was so sinister his eyes were undressing his prey
John Doe if you see this please begin to pray
Pray that we will heal and this will scar over
Nothing more, nothing less, but I want closure
To ask if you think this was okay even for your daughter
How dare you try to excuse what you did it felt like man slaughter
Not that you even care that she screamed a lot louder
When I heard all that you have done and the chaos you’ve caused
When I screamed my throat opened up I wish I had screamed louder.

•Cass