Belonging · Confidence · Determination · My Story · Outlook · Poetry · Understanding

Totalitarian Ruler

It has been a process in a world with no escape plan
A world where your skin color determines where you stand
I wonder late at night if this is the real world God put me in
He tells me through the scriptures He will never leave me behind
Then I come to think it is not really the world maybe it is me
Maybe I haven’t learned to overcome adversity being thrown at me
I think it’s time for me to be real and tell you what going on
I get yelled at by a man in my house; not for reasonable things
For things that honestly wouldn’t mean anything
He verbally abuses me and I have to stay awake
Stay awake and remind myself that everything will be okay
No one really knows how I feel when I go home at night
I just have a small hope in my heart that he won’t be home
I’ve learned to not have sympathy for him anymore
He is totally bipolar and doesn’t know it he switches too quick
He can be in my face one minute then joking the next
I’m tired of being his punching bag because now I’m weak
Weak from the crap he continues to spew to me
Tired but I’m as awake as I can possibly be
On my hands and knees to pray so that I can see
See my life run a course he wouldn’t see in me
Watch myself grow to be better than he’d ever be

Confidence · Determination · Encouraging · Leadership · Learning · Meaning · My Story · Poetry

Photographer

She isn’t aware of the beauty she holds

The things that she does takes more than control

She has her own days to find out and know

The mysterious beauty the world holds

Her camera in hand as she goes giving nature a glow

As amazing as you say she is she will never know

The sigh that you make every time that she goes

Not to be odd but to love her till she knows

A beautiful girl will always love more than she knows

To: Ericka Garcia my photographer

Afraid · Belonging · Inspirational · Learning · My Story · Outlook · Poem · Poetry · Understanding · Visualization · Writers

Disease

It comes up behind and it takes you by surprise

The happiness you feel now hides

Don’t scream and don’t lie

Just walk down the road in disguise

“Forget, but live in the past”

Is the only thought that passes by

Not truly living is what you fear

What you don’t know is not scary

The unknown thing creeping is only daring

Just be you and don’t steer away

It only wants to consume the horrors you cave

Determination · Growing up · Learning · My Story · Poem · Poetry · Understanding

Indigenous Argument

It’s moments like these when I realize I’m sad
Even though I should be really happy with myself
It’s like I need someone else to be happy for me
Just because I feel like I can’t even try by myself
I think it’s hard to tell people where I am mentally
However it’s so easy to lie and tell them where I wish I was
I wish the world could know and take the pain for me
That is when I realize I am truly alone and I feel like a sham
I need to tell you what I really feel right now
The thoughts, they yell at me telling me to fight
I think a lot and observe not to see how you are, to see what I’m not
The world was never against me and now I really see that
Internally I fought only to see that I was fighting myself.

Afraid · Belonging · Bias · Growing up · Learning · Loving · Meaning · My Story · Poem · Poetry · Visualization · Writers

Broken People

I will not stand for your piteous ways
The nation looks at me like I’m crippled today
I will not stand for the ignorance in our nation
I’m tired of being disappointed in our human race
I will not stand problematic lives
If you have too many of those
Your heart will have strife
I’m not a puzzle piece in this game
I want to be a human today
But I won’t follow societies ways
I’ll break their rules and do it my way
My best friend and I will run
She’ll help me be what I want
She’ll do what she wishes is honest
And fly higher than our broken souls
We’ll make it back and be whole

~Cass

Thank you everyone who reads this blog you are my family. Also, thank you Hannah for letting me use this picture.

Afraid · Coming of Age · Confidence · Definition · Determination · Learning · Life · Meaning · My Story · Outlook · Poem · Poetry · Quote

Set In

In bed, I stayed all day
Depression kept me there
A dubious mind ran away
Depression told it to
Crying all day with all reason
Depression made it happen
It’s, not a phase anymore
Depression finally set in.

~Cass

I’m not sure whether I’ve been happy. After my last book tour, I sat on my balcony with a cup of tea. I thought: ‘You can’t rewind the movie. I’ve spent more than half my life in the Middle East. There have been great moments of horror and depression and loneliness.’

~Robert Fisk

Afraid · Belief · Belonging · My Story · Poem · Poetry · Understanding · Visualization · Writers

Lacerate

The incision I make small to suffice
The pain I take in is no real surprise
The tears that fall have already been expected
The rain in my soul keeps falling no exception
I bear my sins to try to keep on working
I falter here and there to show I make mistakes
I love too hard so that everyone else can smile
I try to hard to keep that smile on your face
My days are short but I am not truly happy
My love is more I have only given a piece
My poems are written to show the real me
My life will keep living so long as I’m on my feet.

~Cass

I  Love Ericka for really helping me find myself through this. These are my thoughts. Thanks for reading!

“Other times, I look at my scars and see something else: a girl who was trying to cope with something horrible that she should never have had to live through at all. My scars show pain and suffering, but they also show my will to survive. They’re part of my history that’ll always be there.”

~ Cheryl Rainfield, Scars