Belonging · Confidence · Determination · My Story · Outlook · Poetry · Understanding

Totalitarian Ruler

It has been a process in a world with no escape plan
A world where your skin color determines where you stand
I wonder late at night if this is the real world God put me in
He tells me through the scriptures He will never leave me behind
Then I come to think it is not really the world maybe it is me
Maybe I haven’t learned to overcome adversity being thrown at me
I think it’s time for me to be real and tell you what going on
I get yelled at by a man in my house; not for reasonable things
For things that honestly wouldn’t mean anything
He verbally abuses me and I have to stay awake
Stay awake and remind myself that everything will be okay
No one really knows how I feel when I go home at night
I just have a small hope in my heart that he won’t be home
I’ve learned to not have sympathy for him anymore
He is totally bipolar and doesn’t know it he switches too quick
He can be in my face one minute then joking the next
I’m tired of being his punching bag because now I’m weak
Weak from the crap he continues to spew to me
Tired but I’m as awake as I can possibly be
On my hands and knees to pray so that I can see
See my life run a course he wouldn’t see in me
Watch myself grow to be better than he’d ever be

Afraid · Belonging · Inspirational · Learning · My Story · Outlook · Poem · Poetry · Understanding · Visualization · Writers

Disease

It comes up behind and it takes you by surprise

The happiness you feel now hides

Don’t scream and don’t lie

Just walk down the road in disguise

“Forget, but live in the past”

Is the only thought that passes by

Not truly living is what you fear

What you don’t know is not scary

The unknown thing creeping is only daring

Just be you and don’t steer away

It only wants to consume the horrors you cave

Belonging · Confidence · Definition · Determination · Encouraging · Growing up · Learning · My Story · Outlook · Poem · Understanding · Writers

Au Courant | Updated or New

It is like the day should be new for you
But you haven’t found a way
A new Idea to help to look up at the sky
That may help you pave the way
But all I can think of is to look down
That is the only kind of way
I can see myself as new instead of
The disgusting looks I get from you
It is hard to find a person like you
Perhaps, that looks at me the same
My friends tell me I’m beautiful
I don’t know if to cry or say thanks
I have found it hard to see
The beauty in me the same way
Trust me I wish that my life wasn’t
Perplexing compared to my young days
Now I’m turning a new age
This time I ask for intellect
Rather than mercy for you

~Cass

Photo Credit: Ericka Garcia

Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.

~George Bernard Shaw

Afraid · Coming of Age · Confidence · Definition · Determination · Learning · Life · Meaning · My Story · Outlook · Poem · Poetry · Quote

Set In

In bed, I stayed all day
Depression kept me there
A dubious mind ran away
Depression told it to
Crying all day with all reason
Depression made it happen
It’s, not a phase anymore
Depression finally set in.

~Cass

I’m not sure whether I’ve been happy. After my last book tour, I sat on my balcony with a cup of tea. I thought: ‘You can’t rewind the movie. I’ve spent more than half my life in the Middle East. There have been great moments of horror and depression and loneliness.’

~Robert Fisk

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Double Meaning

She lived at bay for years at end

No one to hold no friend of men

All around just a swift breeze

How sad it is for her to be at ease

Oh no one knows her sorrows

A ship in harbor wallows

A bitter fear that follows

Oh why oh why is she hollow

No one can see her they don’t trust her

They say she’s unsafe but haven’t sailed her

Why can’t we all just stop and be polite

Holding on to the past is all she has

No one to pick her up

Everyone has torn her down

Old and battered never went to sea

Checking out time is up

Her sail has lowered only now to be lifted up

He just walked past and climbed on

Never had a friend and now she sees

Not all are bad but, good is rare as can be

She’s finally being used for what she was made for

No more flaws she sees a new ship in the mirror

A new woman is what she is

A new friend is what she has

A new meaning to life her dream

 

To a port, she parked on for years

She isn’t taken for granted

She isn’t being abused

Now they see her but before not being used

Being used for her purpose now they see the good in her

A ship at harbor was not her purpose nor her full potential

Being at sea was her new home

Soon she would be beautiful again

No, not again that ruined her the first time

She wants to stay in the city that’s her home

Unknown seas she sails through

No friend of man was how she went through

How sad is that till he came by

She was ready to give up and say goodbye

Not her true meaning but what they made her

How she came about and overcame failure

Now as they say a ship in harbor may be safe

Not the true meaning nor what it’s built for

But how she sees herself now is more.

~Cass

Hey, guys, hopefully, everyone has been doing well. Again thank you, Ericka, for your amazing pictures. Also, thanks, to all of the amazing people that find time to read my blog.

“A ship in harbor is safe — but that is not what ships are built for.” — John A. Shedd.

Definition · Humanity · Inspirational · Learning · My Story · Outlook · Poem · Poetry · Visualization · Writers

Wishful Thinking

I wish I could write like him

Make people see what’s really on my mind

I wish I could be the person you see

Think twice, look back, I’m dead inside

I wish my heart was as good as gold

No dreams are left in my sad, dull mind

I wish I didn’t cry at all

Sadly, there are feelings still left behind.

Hey, guys!

~Cass

~Photo: Ericka

Heavy hearts, like heavy clouds in the sky, are best relieved by the letting of a little water.

~Christopher Morley

Afraid · Belonging · Confidence · Definition · Determination · Encouraging · Inspirational · My Story · Outlook · Poem · Poetry · Self-Motivate · Understanding · Visualization

Horrid Memories

I feel like I am in a new place with my fears
Lifting my feet for them to be slammed down
Breaking high walls to meet standards
Not loving myself enough to reach higher ground
It’s hard to get out I’m stuck in a maze
Help me reach the end I don’t want to be caged
They’re coming to get me those awful things
Come catch me from the things I don’t want to see
Grab my body shake me till it’s gone
The memories are catching me headlights are on
I’m being taken where’d you go
I’m all alone deranged unsteady dark and far from home
A lost cause that’s how it seems
A renegade is what they made me

You’re my Superman, but it’s unclear
Now that I’m alone I have learned to face my fears
You don’t know what will make me happy
Don’t dare cross me because I will make you feel my agony

Photo Credits: Ericka Garcia