Belonging · Confidence · Determination · My Story · Outlook · Poetry · Understanding

Totalitarian Ruler

It has been a process in a world with no escape plan
A world where your skin color determines where you stand
I wonder late at night if this is the real world God put me in
He tells me through the scriptures He will never leave me behind
Then I come to think it is not really the world maybe it is me
Maybe I haven’t learned to overcome adversity being thrown at me
I think it’s time for me to be real and tell you what going on
I get yelled at by a man in my house; not for reasonable things
For things that honestly wouldn’t mean anything
He verbally abuses me and I have to stay awake
Stay awake and remind myself that everything will be okay
No one really knows how I feel when I go home at night
I just have a small hope in my heart that he won’t be home
I’ve learned to not have sympathy for him anymore
He is totally bipolar and doesn’t know it he switches too quick
He can be in my face one minute then joking the next
I’m tired of being his punching bag because now I’m weak
Weak from the crap he continues to spew to me
Tired but I’m as awake as I can possibly be
On my hands and knees to pray so that I can see
See my life run a course he wouldn’t see in me
Watch myself grow to be better than he’d ever be

Confidence · Determination · Encouraging · Leadership · Learning · Meaning · My Story · Poetry

Photographer

She isn’t aware of the beauty she holds

The things that she does takes more than control

She has her own days to find out and know

The mysterious beauty the world holds

Her camera in hand as she goes giving nature a glow

As amazing as you say she is she will never know

The sigh that you make every time that she goes

Not to be odd but to love her till she knows

A beautiful girl will always love more than she knows

To: Ericka Garcia my photographer

Afraid · Belonging · Determination · Learning · Life · Meaning · My Story · Sexual Assault

Esophagus Melodies

I screamed and I screamed to the fact that he was stealing her and not me
I screamed because I felt like that was the only way for him to see
I never thought that I could be more awake to only be dead really
I opened my eyes and I found myself screaming for her to be set free
No one had ever asked me why I didn’t speak I was a mute
No more will I hide this because I am the one that died ten years ago
The one that wanted to only be smiling ten years ago
The one who clearly couldn’t understand why ten years ago
Someone took away my innocence and hers they didn’t care that we hurt
They didn’t care that we would be walking signs that said ‘I’m hurt’
How dare he just come and think that we’re trash that needed to be picked up
Leave us on the ground to be recycled by your lower front
The touch of your rough skin made me stare at you unknowingly
Looking in your eyes going why is he noticing me
Come to find out I was dragged and made a puppet
I honestly couldn’t move I swear I tried and all that came out were screams
Screams that he would tell me to shut up or you’ll have to face me
He doesn’t know that he scared me because all I could do was yell mommy
She was the one that would protect me but she was gone and I was a deadbeat
A literal beat that was just lying across my skin dead completely
Ten years later and I still can’t find the old me
The happy little girl that talked a lot and was carefree
I speak a lot now to hide my emotions to match my stoic façade
No one needs to know that I was made to be broken
Such a sad estate I have learned to live unspoken
Making noise to hide my overwhelming sea of emotion
To mask the pain that I felt sitting there pleading
Pleading for my sanity, hers, and even his family
To know he has a number and a name that I can never say
He can only be referred as John Doe so that I can remain sane
I’ll remember the look on his face when he said you have to watch
His smile was so sinister his eyes were undressing his prey
John Doe if you see this please begin to pray
Pray that we will heal and this will scar over
Nothing more, nothing less, but I want closure
To ask if you think this was okay even for your daughter
How dare you try to excuse what you did it felt like man slaughter
Not that you even care that she screamed a lot louder
When I heard all that you have done and the chaos you’ve caused
When I screamed my throat opened up I wish I had screamed louder.

•Cass

Determination · Growing up · Learning · My Story · Poem · Poetry · Understanding

Indigenous Argument

It’s moments like these when I realize I’m sad
Even though I should be really happy with myself
It’s like I need someone else to be happy for me
Just because I feel like I can’t even try by myself
I think it’s hard to tell people where I am mentally
However it’s so easy to lie and tell them where I wish I was
I wish the world could know and take the pain for me
That is when I realize I am truly alone and I feel like a sham
I need to tell you what I really feel right now
The thoughts, they yell at me telling me to fight
I think a lot and observe not to see how you are, to see what I’m not
The world was never against me and now I really see that
Internally I fought only to see that I was fighting myself.

Belonging · Confidence · Definition · Determination · Encouraging · Growing up · Learning · My Story · Outlook · Poem · Understanding · Writers

Au Courant | Updated or New

It is like the day should be new for you
But you haven’t found a way
A new Idea to help to look up at the sky
That may help you pave the way
But all I can think of is to look down
That is the only kind of way
I can see myself as new instead of
The disgusting looks I get from you
It is hard to find a person like you
Perhaps, that looks at me the same
My friends tell me I’m beautiful
I don’t know if to cry or say thanks
I have found it hard to see
The beauty in me the same way
Trust me I wish that my life wasn’t
Perplexing compared to my young days
Now I’m turning a new age
This time I ask for intellect
Rather than mercy for you

~Cass

Photo Credit: Ericka Garcia

Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.

~George Bernard Shaw

Afraid · Coming of Age · Confidence · Definition · Determination · Learning · Life · Meaning · My Story · Outlook · Poem · Poetry · Quote

Set In

In bed, I stayed all day
Depression kept me there
A dubious mind ran away
Depression told it to
Crying all day with all reason
Depression made it happen
It’s, not a phase anymore
Depression finally set in.

~Cass

I’m not sure whether I’ve been happy. After my last book tour, I sat on my balcony with a cup of tea. I thought: ‘You can’t rewind the movie. I’ve spent more than half my life in the Middle East. There have been great moments of horror and depression and loneliness.’

~Robert Fisk

Belonging · Confidence · Definition · Determination · Encouraging · Inspirational · Learning · My Story · Poem · Poetry · Visualization

Vacuity

You can make me feel terrible
But I can’t make you feel it
You can talk shit about me
But I can’t speak about you

You can keep me in the dark
But I can’t leave you alone
You can take away my heart
But I can’t even get to yours

You can break me the most
But I can’t crack you open
How come you mess with me
You can’t wait till I’m done

Life isn’t the least bit over
Come, run, until you can’t
Sadly I am stuck no way out
Why is this poet crying

Not because she is dying
I wonder who she speaks of
A lowly conscious that is flying.

~Cass

 

Hey guys,

I’m back it’s summer now and I am forcing myself to write mainly because I’ve been slacking and now I’m ready to post every week and I want to thank my photographer for all of these amazing pictures. Enjoy your life guys because sometimes it can take over and living starts to feel like a burden.

Once I knew only darkness and stillness… my life was without past or future… but a little word from the fingers of another fell into my hand that clutched at emptiness, and my heart leaped to the rapture of living.

~Helen Keller